Dissolving Into Her

Dissolving Into Her

When life grows heavy

and the storms arrive in waves,

when every turn of fate

cuts deeper than the last,

there are moments

it feels as though she has turned away,

as if her eyes

no longer rest upon me.

I wrestle with her in prayer,

I break down before her

like a child lost in the dark,

yet through trembling breath I say,

“If this is my karma,

let me bear it.

Because when she asked

what my heart longed for,

I spoke only one truth-

I want you.

Nothing else.

Only you.”

So I placed my life

at her feet in the altar,

and slowly I began to see

she is burning my karma

into holy ash,

faster than time can measure,

so that I may journey towards her,

so that every step I take

is a step dissolving into her,

so that my name and form

may melt away in love,

until there is no ‘me’ and ‘her’.

So my being dissolves

into the silence of Kashi,

into the vastness of shunya,

where she may stand upon my being

and awaken me to truth.

Hey Maa…

I know you never leave.

Lifetime after lifetime,

you walk beside my soul,

and all I will ever seek

is you,

only you