Khadga and the Pashu
When I see the Moolvigraham of our beloved Maa Adya MahaKali, I see the most expressive eyes that refuse to let go of my being from their gaze. A very personal rendezvous of sorts where she looks through my soul and leaves me wondering in spirals after spirals. One of those spirals of thought is birthed from a very important visual encounter that I end up being subjected to, which is the captivating sight of the Khadga that is raised. I see my beloved Gurudev in that Khadga which is held tightly by Maa herself and is held high and I assume the form of the pashu who is just outside the altar awaiting liberation.
Gurudev being Maa’s own Khadga, is the sharp truth that cuts through the shishya’s illusion and false identity. He is the discipline that shapes and moulds raw potential. Like the Khadga that is forged in fire, my Gurudev also has taken years of burning to be able to share gyana that has been tempered by experience and insight.
As the pashu knows when it is about to be one of the many to be slaughtered, it waits there silently for its turn — wishing it was their turn next so that it can finally be free from the turmoils of endless waiting. Similarly the pashu in me willingly brings its inner animalistic instincts to the altar of learning and surrenders it with trust. I look at the Khadga almost with mixed feelings of awe and aspiration and awaiting the moment of relief from lower instincts like ego, desires and fears. Thus the bali is not literal sacrifice, it is the offering of my old self so that a refined, awakened self may emerge. Thus, when the guru as the Khadga meets the shishya as the pashu, transformation occurs - bali is complete. This act is totally possible owing to the most important aspect which is : surrender.
The Khadga needs to surrender to the one who holds it, the pashu needs to surrender to the Khadga and the entire act as a whole needs to surrender itself in order to begin and end. It is a relationship based on trust and not on power. So I await just outside the altar seeing my reflection in the shimmer of the raised Khadga held high by Maa, counting days till my turn comes when the Khadga finally descends upon the pashu in me.
Till then, I surrender myself to Her leela and shut up and show up every single day. For ultimately, it is She who holds the Khadga, who owns the altar and who brings all the pashus to the altar. Through Me, as She wills.
Shri Gurubhyo Namah Jai Khyapa Parampara Jai Bhairav Baba Jai Maa Adya MahaKali.
- BhairavaShishya Sujay
- By Sujay Shisya of Gurudev Shri Praveen Radhakrishnan